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so, i can't figure it out and i am frustrated. i think that maybe i don't belong at the school i think i do. has anyone ever thought that? : i don' t belong. well it sucks. i have an idea...a HUGE idea....but, it has nothing to do with teaching or not teaching. i love teaching. i am just frustrated because a lot of the people i work with are not the type of persons i would want teaching me; therefore, i wonder WHY would i get this upset about not being able to be part of the 'inner circle.?' i am not entirely wrong to say, that there are so many bad teachers out there. there are also a LOT OF GOOD TEACHERS. But, they both have tenure. I really am disgusted with the public. How did we get manipulated into thinking that, anyone who wants to teach, and sticks it out, should get tenure? It is simply wrong. Tenure is wrong. I am pissed off. I am tired of mediocrity. I am bittter tonight. I admit it. I am human. How odd. I have always smiled. I was an optimist. I think that if I feel this way; I should not be doing what I am doing. This sucks. This means that I followed my dreams and failed. Dang. I guess I don't what to do. I need your suggestions. I need some guidance. Because I really give up. I am so sad. I cry a lot. I feel like I screwed up my life last year. I had one interview. It came up a week after I found my best friend dead. And, two days after my mom was diagnosed with lung caner. My mentor told me they would never hire me anyway because I don't have a PhD. But, I know he is wrong. I fucked up; I blanked on the theory shit. But, you know what, I know this is for a reason right? I couldnt' get ahold of joe for three days. His car was in the back. He did taxes. It was the day after tax day. The return envelopes were on the seat of his car even though it was Wednesday. I knew it. We called the police. they broke in. I identified him. And, I am so happy I did. Because, I would never see him again. I am his family. I had to find his family; call them in LA. I cleaned his home with my friend; i helped with the wake and the funeral. And then my mom got sick. And, then I screwed up my life? Or, did I? My cup is still half full...I am just sad alot. I miss Joe. But, my mom is doing good!